Re-Writing The CV


The dreaded moment of writing/re-writing that one singular Microsoft Word document that dictates your advances in life has come upon me once again WOOOOOOOOO, and the only thing left to do is bulls&@# your way through it. Now for you who do not know what a CV is (I bloody well hope all if not 99.99999% bacteria is killed when using this bleach of you do), if not well let me explain it to you.

A CV or Curriculum Vitæ means course of life in latin, it is a detailed document that explains yourself, your achievements and career biography in detail. You use it to throw at the faces of potential employers and shout OI GIVE ME A JOB YOU! (sadly not as simple as that).

Right am running out of ideas and motivation to write this, brb am going for a run in the rain through some forrests with a dog named kraken2 hours later

And am back, right you let me tell you how to write a good CV……you don’t. The point of a CV is to big yourself up as much as possible to make you look like the holy grail of the dog bollocks, it’s that simple. Sadly if you’re a modest sod then goodluck with this because you will hate it so suck it up and turn into the biggest egotistical mess you possibly can!

What to include in a CV –
– Contact details
– A short but descriptive egotistical biography
– All education qualifications
– Job history past to current
– A list of hobbies and interests
– Details of any volunteering you’ve done (if not, do some does look gucci)
– And extra details of any other qualifications and / or certificates (driving liscence, musical instrument certificates)

Now that I have written my CV for the umpteenth time I would classify myself a CV verteran rookie (you will never be a master at writing a CV; sorry to break the bad news). The only thing left to do is toss ’em at employers along with the firmest but not too firm handshake and hope for the best, or you can just apply for jobs online (much much easier, however I prefer the old school in person technique, gives off a better impression).

Today’s Tip Top Tippity Teachings

Number One: THE DOG’S BOLLOCKS – Make sure to write best god damn CV known to mankind.

Point 3: EGOTIST – I’m afraid much like writing a university personal statement you’re gonna have to be the biggest bloody egotist.

Letter Ω: WHIP IT OUT – Now you’ve written it you’re gonna have to whip it out to as many employer’s just like you would if you catch yo girl wearing your romper.



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